Webster's defines joy as this:
1a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight. b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety. 2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss. 3 : a source or cause of delight. joy.
Do you think that you can know joy without saddness?
Do you think that others can steal your joy?
Do you think that people can control you with their emotions?
Let's dive into these, shall we?
Have you seen the movie, Inside Out? I love this movie because it teaches us a lot of lessons about ourselves and how our brains are wired. If you recall, Joy,Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness all live within our noggin and the control how our temperament is - by whichever one is hogging the control panel of our brains. Have you ever wondered what anger makes you do? Sadness? Is there a button that makes you want to curl up under the covers and cry?
In the movie, the relationship between Joy and Sadness is interesting and teaches great lessons. Remember when Joy draws a circle and tells Sadness to stay inside of it?! HAHAHAHA - I find that HILARIOUS. As if our Sadness is going to listen to Joy.
Joy spends so much time trying to control Sadness and things just get messier and messier. In the end, Joy discovers that Sadness plays as critical of a role as Joy. I wonder though... is it easier for us to give control over to Sadness?
This is my answer to the first question:
My answer to question two:
I know that I have said this before, but I am saying it again.... it can be hard sometimes to feel joy on a regular basis. We get distracted, rushed and overwhelmed. We are always running around and crossing things off our lists and then adding more to it. Some days we are just getting by, staying afloat. Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic? Maybe a family member makes a verbal jab at you or your boss gives you a bad performance review.
Life's annoyances can steal our joy. People can steal out joy. Situations and circumstances can steal your joy. Don't let them. Easier said than done... but I think it can be done... with practice.
What both extrovert and introvert narcissists have in common is their employment of an outer veneer of superiority, to disguise their inner sense of vulnerability. While the extroverted narcissist will say, in so many ways, that “I’m better than you”, the introverted narcissist will strongly hint at it.*
My answer to the third question:
Let me preface this bit with... if you have someone in your life like this.... please DO NOT let them steal your joy.
Have you heard the word narcissism? Probably. Anyway -narcissism is usually associate with things like boundary violation, manipulations, superficial charm, grandstanding. However, not all narcissists are openly grandiose and outwardly intrusive. There is this thing called the introverted narcissist, or also known as the covert narcissist. Let me clarify though - not all introverts are narcissistic. The ones who are though, may have a way of influencing others around them to feel off-balance and/or insecure.
What both extrovert and introvert narcissists have in common is their employment of an outer veneer of superiority, to disguise their inner sense of vulnerability. While the extroverted narcissist will say, in so many ways, that “I’m better than you”, the introverted narcissist will strongly hint at it.*
Below are seven signs of a covert introvert narcissist:
1. Quiet Smugness/Superiority
Many extrovert narcissists are fairly easy to spot, with their grandiose mannerisms and attention-seeking machinations. Introvert narcissists, on the other hand, can be more difficult to pinpoint, at least at the outset. They tend to observe (judgmentally) rather than act, and listen (half-heartedly) rather than speak. Yet, their quieter brand of superiority complex betrays itself through aloof detachment and disconcerting nonverbal cues. They may not express their negativity outright, but you get the distinct sense that they are barely tolerant with their lack of eye contact, condescending glare, eye-rolling, dismissive gestures, groans and sighs, high distractibility, quick boredom, impolite yawns, and overall inattentiveness. When they do speak, their comments tend to be critical and judgmental, focusing on their own conceited views.
This seemingly impenetrable smugness is, of course, a front, covering a sense of vulnerability within. Part of the insecurity may be the inability to relate to people meaningfully as human beings.
“One cries because one is sad…I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.”
― from Big Bang Theory
2. Self-Absorption
One of the most common characteristics of an introverted narcissist is a sense of “withdrawn self-centeredness”. While many introverts are more quiet but good listeners, introvert narcissists tend to be reticent and poor listeners. Often, they will make a quick assessment of a person or situation, find it uninteresting, flawed, or unworthy of their attention, and mentally tune out (block you out). While most mature adults are capable of recognizing nuances of issues, and giving people the benefit of the doubt, introvert narcissists tend to focus on only what they selfishly want and find agreeable. All else might be labeled as “boring” or “stupid”.article continues after advertisement
3. Lack of Empathy
“You’re sick? But what about driving me to the mall?”
― Anonymous
Both extrovert and introvert narcissists share this trait. Narcissists are often oblivious to, or dismissive of others’ thoughts and feelings. Even when you tell them how their attitudes and actions are generating adverse consequences, their response will be more about themselves. Such is the self-absorption.
4. Passive-Aggressiveness
Some introverted narcissists deal with disagreeable people or circumstances in passive-aggressive ways. Upon receiving a reasonable request from you, they might say “okay,” “yes,” “of course,” or “as you wish,” then either do nothing, or behave however they please. When you inquire why they didn’t follow-through on an arrangement, they may shrug it off with an excuse, or say nonchalantly that their way is better.
5. Highly Sensitive
Psychiatrist Glen Gabbard notes that some introverted narcissists are “exquisitely sensitive”. They tend to be affronted by any signs of real or perceived slights, and handle criticism poorly. In the face of negative feedback, some introvert narcissists will defend with an increased sense of superior smugness and dismissal (fight), while others will respond with sullen withdraw (flight). Typically, they will not let on how much the negative experience bothers them, and instead use their well-rehearsed aloofness to continue their schema.
Of course, not all highly sensitive people are narcissistic. What distinguishes the narcissist is their falsely constructed superiority complex.
6. The “Misunderstood Special Person”
The self-perceptions of some introverted narcissists include notions such as: “I’m special,” “I’m one-of a kind,” “I’m ahead of my time,” “I’m so unique no one understands me,” and “I’m so smart I’m above everyone else.” Statements such as these reveal common narcissistic tendencies of superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement. By constructing the superficial believe that one is “exceptional”, the introvert narcissist creates a reassuring role, submerging the fearful and vulnerable true self. article continues after advertisement
7. Impersonal and Difficult Relationships
As mentioned earlier, part of the introvert narcissist’s insecurity is the inability to genuinely connect with people. To this extent, the aloofness and/or smugness serve as a defensive mechanism keeping people away, lest the narcissist is exposed for her or his interpersonal inadequacies. Some introvert narcissists narrowly focus on self-absorbing work, technology, social networking, small cliques, books, games, fantasies, and/or other endeavors to minimize wider human interactions. These activities may also help them enact their covert, self-important personas.
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